Saturday, October 25, 2014

Post-academic crash

I dunno. Did I make the right decision? Shitville was not the place for me. But could I have made it work? Or was I headed down this same path regardless of The Decision.

This blog is still super-anonymous, right? Can I say this stuff here? The two or three real-life people who know who I am (*wave*)... they're okay. I think they all are. Have I shared this with anyone who's not safe? This post might not stay up for long.

So, post-academic crash. That's what I'm in.

A year in review? I was "miserable" in shitville, but I was working, I was engaged, I was busy, I was functional. I made that gut-wrenching decision to move back to sparkling-shiny-city-I-love, and I was on the top of the world. For three weeks. Then I crashed.

No job. No prospects. No life.

Then came the job I got. It's a job. It pays the bills, when I go to it. I'm over-educated and under-qualified. Before taking the job, I believed in what they did. Now that I've seen the inside workings of this organization, I'm aghast that they get the public funding that they do. They don't deserve it. It's a fucking train wreck.

So, what did this job do to my post-academic crash? It sent me spinning out of control.

***edited out***

That, my friend(s), is what happened when I left academia.

I don't know where I'm going from here. I have absolutely, positively no fucking clue where I'm headed from here.

Who am I kidding?  Academia was all I had in my life that worked. And I left it. So here I am, a non-academic, and the bottom has dropped out of my world.